Saturday, February 9, 2008

Work work work...

Originally Posted: Wednesday, January 03, 2007

So I have worked all day today sick as hell!!!! Yeah it is NOT that hard for those of you who know what I do. BUT just lemme say, its hard when you gotta sit here knowing tha bed is 2 rooms away I am soooooooo tired....yeah yeah. ANd anyway, my whole point of posting is cuz I swear I am gonna quit smokin....I have a quit date set for the 20th, so please send me your positive energies. I am going to meditate and do some relaxation techniques to try to help some of the cravings. Wish me luck!!!

And man, you know what else? I miss James SO much. I never thought it would end like it did. Man who wouldhave thought it would be HIM of all people??? Why do people even have to die? Damn cancer! I think its a conspiracy anyhow, there should be a cure by now, but they make too much money on it too bring forth the cure. Such a dirty government we have.

I should really be in bed...

Originally Posted: Wednesday, January 03, 2007

But I can;t I was listening to music and now I am thinking WAY too much. I have to get up at 6:15, so I better get some sleep. I have taken my meds so hopefully they will knock me out. Just dont want to oversleep.
I miss Jen and havent talked to her in forever. I never post to my livejournal anymore. And my dreams are messing with my head, so half the time I dont want to go to sleep.
Dreams, they mean something, I know they do. Subconscious, guilt? I dont know but I am slowlt decoding each one of them. and I will be darned if I wont figure them out.
Im out, gotta get up for work early.

Spike is going back to the vet

Originally Posted: Thursday, January 04, 2007

My baby is going to the vet :( Poor little fella has to get more shots today. I feel so sorry for him, I have to take his sister Gizmo too, shes not mine my nanny has her. Out of my family, we actually ended with 3 of 5 of the pups. Mine is the ONLY teacup of the bunch... They are all marked up the same, just mine is the runt, and the meanest!!!
If you have a sensitive stomach, do NOT read further....

So we bought Hannah and Maddy these little puppies for Christmas, stuffed ones, some Barbie shit...they growl, bark, pant and all that shit. So Spike has made a buddy of the one of them and he fucking humps it whenever he has a chance!!! Its funny, yet gross. Anywho...he got STUCK outside himself. Those of you with male dogs will know what I mean, I freaked out and thought I had to take him to the vet!!! So I called Pam, my saviour when I need something and she said it would just take some time. Thank you Pam LOL....
Hannah also bought 2 more god forsaken fish, I want to get rid of the tank but they keep bringing them in!!! I still have 3 of the 6 original ones, and I swear to god those things have lived every bit of 2 years at least. THEY WONT DIE!! Is that mean??? I just ahte cleaning the tank, and I am always stuck with that one, hubby will clean everything BUT the fish tank.
And then, Haley got a nasty hamster, and I never realized how dirty they are. Its an Alaskan Drawf hamster, cute little bitty fella, but the cage gets dirty very quick!!
Anyway, gotta run and get my makeup on so I can look presentable in public. Catch ya later!!!

Grief and loss......

Originally Posted: Thursday, January 11, 2007

"If you were once connected with someone, does it make sense that the connection is broken just because of a physical death? No, the connection stays. You may just have to listen differently. You may just have to talk differently. The truth is: the connection is never broken. It's quite impossible to break the most powerful connection in the universe. As long as you exist, the connection stays."

God saw you getting tiredand a cure was not meant to be,So he put his arms around youand whispered "Come to Me".With tearful eyes we watched you,as we saw you pass away.Although we loved you deeply,we could not make you stay.Your Golden Heart stopped beating,hard working hands at rest.God broke our hearts to prove to us,He only takes the best.

The French Quarter is in a Funk...

Orginially Posted: Friday, January 19, 2007

Well boo hoo, the French Quarter is in a funk. They claim it is so safe. Well let me tell you....I spent my time in New Orleans, I am in the process of writing a book that will be published that tells of MY experiences in the dreaded New Orleans. From my personal experience, 75% of the people I met during the course of my stay in the big easy, and those I have kept in touch with post Katrina will not EVER go back to living there. Some of the people I met, I dont know if they are alive. God willing they are, but I dont know.Who the hell would want to go through what happened there and GO BACK? We were stuck for DAYS on end with no rescue in sight. No food, limited water supply, no AC in sweltering heat, and I could go on and on. What happened in New Orleans for the storm and one week following is one of the worst tragedies in American History...the reason being our government stalled to get there. I was stuck there as a tourist, no one came, no cell phone signal, and horrible conditions. You had to loot to survive, literally. Once you got to the dome, they did feed us MRE's which actually were not bad after having NOTHING to eat for 4 days and sweltering to death. So why would ANYONE want to go back to New Orleans? People don't want to go back there and with good reason. To heck with Bourbon Street and the french quarter. Bourbon street is just a druggie, prostitute place filled with bars so you can get drunk and do bad things.
If you are from New Orleans, and you dont like what I am saying, I sincerely do not give a crap. I almost died there, I went to the Superdome because everyone said that it was shelter and food there and it was safe. Shelter, and Safe? Ok whatever. It was a huge portable potty which people defecated anywhere they could squat. I waited in line 19 hours for a bus, watching people pass me in line thinking I was some pushover. Finally, I stood up and didn;t allow anyone to pass me. Hey, I had kids and a husband at home wondering if I was even ALIVE, I HAD to get on one of those buses to call my husband.
All of this because I was a whore, not worthy of riding in my friends vehicle, I will call her Laney to protect me. If you want the whole story check out the book when it comes out. Trust me, a lot of it will shock you and surprise you, and you will know what the media DIDN'T tell you from beginning to end.

Pain

Originally Posted: Saturday, February 17, 2007

So, today makes 8 days since the root canal. I expected to go in, come out and be just fine. But ME, noooo I cant ever just be normal. I have been through 8 days of pain, 8 days on some of the strongest narcotics, 8 days on antibiotics and 8 days of looking like a swarm of bees stung me all over the face. I have been to the hospital 2 times. And to the dentist 3 or 4 now. They call it, "just one of those freak things that happen to 1 in a million" OK WHAT EVER.....if this freak thing happens to 1 in a million people, then where are the other 2 in the united states who look like they have edema on their face???
I am tired of living on mashed potatoes and jello. I want some good food! So, I went from NO pain and having a root canal done, cuz the x ray said I had to. To having the most excruciating pain in my life. I have had 3 kids, and Id have a hundred more before I would EVER EVER have this done again. I am tired of working from the laptop in the bed because I cant lift my head because I am in a Lortab fog. Loving the Lortabs though, man oh man....I have so many narcotics sitting around right now it is pathetic. Most of them didnt help. I look like a regular pharmacy on my nightstand. And, you know through all this, I have considered joining the circus to be a sideshow freak. The cute chick with the swollen face. Those who know me and have talked to me on the phone know I sound like a trainwreck.
Anyway, enough rambling. I am back to the dentist Monday to see how I am coming along or if I will have to go to an oral surgeon. We shall see then....

Tomorrow night is Family Night

Originally Posted: Friday, February 02, 2007

A long awaited family night, me, hubby and kids and a nice dinner and movie. The kids have been at me for ages to take them somewhere and finally I get time to do so. Work is killing me man!! I work way too much, so much I have time for NOTHING!!! I took 2 days off this week and they were filled with appointments and running, I cant wait for a normal day off, one where I can sleep till 2 or 3 and be lazy. So anyway, I wanted to go see Pans Labyrinth, but it is all sub titled and thats not going to go over well for the 5 year old, and they say it is more adult gothic anyway. Nothing else really childrenish is playing so we will find something else to do.
We really need a Chuck E Cheese around here. It would be good for the kids. As of now theres not shit to do. The only thing I can even think of is bowling and ugg who wants to do that??? LOL...
We have signed up for family time at the gym, so we will all go together, maybe instill some good workout habits in the youngins.

Prison Break from Monday night

Originally Posted: Thursday, February 22, 2007

So who watched??? I was SO surprised that T-bag let the woman and her children go. I think it showed a lot of his character and that he really loved her, in spite of as he put it the bad Bagwell blood line.
Looks like Michael (swoon), Linc, and Sarah have what they need and Kellerman is going after the president herself. Linc will finally be exonerated on the charges, but what will they do about Michael, he really did fire a weapon in a robbery, so will they realize that he did it just to get in to get his brother out because of a huge government conspiracy, or will they make him do time?
That remains to be told. BUT, I do know this much! There IS going to be a season 3, and we have 5 weeks roughly until finale of the current season. WHAT WILL I WATCH IN BETWEEN????
I guess I could rewatch all 7 seasons of Buffy, and 5 of Angel. Can never get enough Spike in a days time. No, not Spike my dog, Spike the sexy vamp.
Back to Prison Break, we are down to 4 of the original Fox River 8, C-note getting arrested, Patoshik dead, Aposkos dead, and Abruzzi the mob boss dead. That leaves us with Link, Michael, Sucre and T-bag. I am really interested to see how the T-bag story plays out. From what the director has dished, more will die. I have come to like T-bag and Sucre, and of course the brothers, and Sarah, so I don't want to see any of them go.
And I do beleive that William Fichtner's character (Mahone) is going to turn good. And about damn time, he was the bad guy in Invasion and now in Prison Break he is a bad guy! Thanks to my delectable Kentucky friend Bunny, he is now known as Sheriff Creepy for his role on Prison Break.
OH and check this, I have Nathan Baesel on my friends list on MySpace, and he played Deputy Lewis Sirk on there. Anyone who was an Invasion fan will remember him because Sheriff Creepy made him cut his arm back off after he went into the water!!!! Anyway, Nathan is a GREAT guy. I have talked with him in email, and he even took pictures when saveinvasion.com flew a banner over the ABC studio in Cali. So much for that, guess that didn't work out! Wish they would at least tell us what the hell Sheriff Creepy did with Larkin in the water!!!
Anyway, this is turning into a huge ramble, sorry but I am sleepy so I tend to ramble.
Check Nathan out on IMDB:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1519453/
Love, Hugs, Kisses, and all that mushy stuff~
Adios for now....

How do you cope when...

Originally Posted: Monday, March 12, 2007

How do you cope when...
Your heart is shattered into a million little pieces but you have to still be strong for everyone else?
I have such a good mask and a good farce but I think maybe it is breaking now. :(
I feel like I have actually lost members of my family, I feel lost, I feel out on the streets, I feel so many things and not one of them are positive right now. But I will go on and maybe I'll make it...

Have you ever....

Orignally posted: Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Had a friend who you thought a lot of really, but you find out they are not the person you thought they were?
I am going through this, and I am not sure how to handle it at the moment. I dont trust anyone as it is, most of those who are my friends will know this. So, this makes things worse all over again LOL...hard to seperate those who you can trust and those you cannot. All I can say is the weight of the ones I cannot is far outweighing the ones I can now.
I hate life..................

37 more days.....

Originally Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2007

37 more days....
And I will be in New Jersey and New York meeting the man of my dreams.....yes girls drool now I am going to meet James Marsters. If I could get by with it, I'd bring him home with me, but alas I cannot.
God I soooo love him, cant wait to take my pic with him, get his autograph.

Meeting the man I have always wanted to meet....

Originally Posted: Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Ok, so those who are close to me know I went to Fangorias Weekend of Horrors convention, and 2 concerts at the Crazy Donkley in Long Island, NY.
All this to meet the finest man in existence. And damn if he aint fine in person.
He is such an unbeleivable humble person. Grateful to his fans, and all about eye contact. AND a huge flirt at that!
So Friday he done a Q & A. He answered some awesome questions, and afterwards he done an autograph signing. We also had Photos together Friday, I was so nervous, and my picture showed it. I told him I was nervous, and he said if I knew what a big goof he was, I wouldnt be. The more I talked to him over the weekend, the better I got with it all.
Saturday, I went to the concerts at the Crazy Donkey, he had 2 sets he played at 2pm, then again at 6pm. He was more than awesome in concert. I was like near the front row. So, it kicked ass!!!
At the concert he said he could sense an impending orgy....yeah if hes the main participant. LOL... A bunch of women screaming and lusting after him. UH huh....
Sunday, he had another Q & A. Another autograph signing, and more pictures. This time my picture is better. I told him I wanted him to spice it up so as not to have the same pose as Friday. He said how about we just embrace, and Ill look into your eyes as if there is no one here but you and I, and we will be in love for the moment. So, we looked into each others eyes like we were completely in love.
I thought I would die.
But, I have learned so much about him in going to the convention. He is such a great person, and I dont see him as a "celebrity" anymore. Though he is by all rights.
He is a person, he has emotions, he enoys it when his fans actually LIKE his music, and is rather surprised by it as well. He is so humble, and kind. I just cant beleive it. But, what could you expect from a great person?
So all in all, the trip was AWESOME!!! I cant wait to go see him again, hes in Atlanta end of August, and Im going to bust my ass to get to Dragon Con to see him!
Spike lives in a sense. James likes to be known for James, and not some celebrity. And he has convinved me, hes not JUST Spike, but SO MUCH MORE.
Freda

David Arquette

Originally Posted: Thursday, September 13, 2007

I forgot to blog about him from when I went to New York!!
I stepped off the elevator, and in the lobby, standing in a leather jacket and red shirt, was this tanned GOD. Standing and texting probably Courtney Cox.
So, I got the nerve to talk to him. He was so unbeleivably NICE!! I told him I was going to miss the convention the next day since I had to go to Long Island for a concert. He said well dont miss out, dont you have a camera? Im like not with me, its in my room.
He told me to go grab it, so we could take our picture together! So I had to go all the way tot he 4th floor, and he WAITED for me! Yes, he did!
Anyway, to sum it up, he was fucking awesome, tanned, and he sparkled damn!! He just had a glow to him that was unreal. I will post pictures at some point, I am going through the recovery process now, since I accidentally reformatted my external HD.

Its funny..how you never forget a day..a moment

Orignially posted: Wednesday, November 21, 2007

When something happens...they say it happens for a reason.
But when you lose someone you love more than life itself, then why does that moment stay burned in our memory forever?
Who do we lose the ones we love for any reason?
Why does cancer exist? Is this our modern day plague?
Ive spent my morning crying and just reflecting back on the events of one year ago today.
The day I watched my uncle take his last breath and begged him not to go.
I know hes in a better place, though Im not the most religious person, I know there is something better than this life we live.
I hope he is there, and I hope he met my Nanny when she crossed over as well.

Moving some old posts here...

I am moving old posts from my Myspace blog over to this one. I will put the original dates on them too. :)